Have you ever been in a relationship or a situation with a family or friend where you have gotten upset with them because of how they are treating you or not treating you?
Or have you had someone to be mad or upset with you that has absolutely nothing to do with you?
YEP, we all have been there or are currently there…
Topic of the day is : PROJECTING
Cause baby, let me tell you! I am familiar with it on both the giving and receiving end. Let’s talk about it. First, let’s define what projecting is.
Projecting is when a person takes unwanted emotions and/or traits that they don’t like about themselves and attributes them to someone else.
So pretty much, this person has no accountability for their own actions and emotions. They blame everyone else other than themselves for their own insecurities, losses and mishaps. Talk about irresponsible, lawd!
I remember dealing with a guy and blaming him for the hurt and pain that I felt due to him not loving me how I desired to be loved. He would only come to see me on the weekends and we never spent the holidays together along with other obvious signs. The truth was (and deep down inside I knew the truth) he ain’t want me in the way that I wanted him and I knew this but yet I still chose to deal with him… I CHOSE that. Instead of me taking accountability for my part in the situation, I projected my feelings onto him. I felt that he was responsible for my hurt, when in reality I was responsible for my own pain. I allowed him to hurt me, I invited him in. Instead of being proactive, I was reactive… reacting out of emotion. Yea, I was giving a whole lot of projecting BUT I learned and outgrew being an emotional thinker and reactor.
Man, I am grateful for growth! Cause when you grow, you get to see projection from a different perspective and your positive reaction to other people negatively projecting their fears onto you will show you just how much you have grown. Yes, I said fears because anything opposite of love is fear. Insecurities, feeling of lack, envy, jealousy, etc. are all forms of fear.
I had a person who confided in me about a situation with her son’s father. She had raised her son up until he was about 15 years old, then he decided that he wanted to live with his dad. She allowed him to do that. Her and the father had never really had a solid, co-parenting relationship but she never denied him being in his son’s life. The father had not been as involved as he should have been in his son’s life but she never reminded her son of that, allowing him to see for himself. Yet, the father verbally to the mother let it be known that he felt some type of way about their mother-son bond. It was obvious that he was envious. So, to get back at her due to his own personal guilt, he intentionally didn’t allow her son to visit her during a school break in which they had agreed upon.
That sounds crazy, right?!
Oh, here’s another example, you author a book about your life and your journey thus far and some people are upset because they feel they weren’t mentioned enough in your book… Girl BYE!
See, people that don’t feel good about themselves will project their own feelings onto you. If you are not aware of this, that person will have you thinking that you are the problem when in reality you are not. Sometimes, people also project and attack you when they see a quality in you that they admire but don’t possess.
How do you handle this type of behavior?
- Set/maintain your boundaries with people.
- Don’t personalize the other person’s feelings. Those feelings are for them to own, not you.
- Make people take accountability and be responsible for their behaviors. Make them own up to the truth. It will set them free.
- Don’t react to them. My granny use to always say, “I can show you, better than I can tell you.”
We create our own reality from our thoughts, actions and words that we speak. When you become mindful of this, you are more careful with yourself as well as others. You no longer choose chaos.
That is what projection is… chaos. Chaos is a sign of war within yourself. Peace can only be obtained when you battle the war inside. Once peace has been achieved, your views change.
You get a clearer picture.
High minds, High Vibes!